Brent

wow I guess I really suck at blogging but whatever...
There has been a lot going on in the past couple of days. Brent Sirignano, my exboyfriend got in a really bad car accident. He is in very critical condition and is fighting for his life. When I first found out I just knew he was in a car accident and I didn't realize how bad it could be, but then my mom called and they said it was bad. He had a lung collapse and bruised his brain... At that point I didn't know what exactly to do with myself. Of course I was upset, but there was nothing I could do. And this all happened on the night of our Winterformal. I have gone to winterformal with Brent since freshman year and this is the first year that I didn't. Anyway... Brent needs Jesus. He is not a follower, he believes but does not exactly follow. He says he's catholic, but I don't know if he really understands what catholic means. We have shared so many memories together. I am so sad that he is in a medically induced coma but I know God has bigger plans. Like the driver of the car, he totally believes there is a God now, after going to one small group of boys he barely knows, they just told him about the hope the Lord offers and the forgiveness and mercy He has on His people. It's amazing how much forgiveness the Lord really gives. I love that verse where they made a veggie tale movie out of... it says how many times should I forgive, 7 times and the Lord says 7 times 77. And it just paints a picture in my mind that the Lord will always forgive us of our mistakes. God didn't intend on this accident to happen but He is going to use it all for His glory and it's going to be awesome to witness. I hope this opens up Brent's eyes and all of his friends too. He needs God's love so badly and I just wish he could see it. I want to talk to him so much and tell him to take a good look at whats going on and that he needs the Lord, just one time to say that i wish he wouldn't go back to his old ways of doing things. I feel like it's a huge competition between friends right now and who knows him best and who loves him the most and who is his favorite person. Why is it like that? People think that's how it should be, but it should really be about God's love mercy and forgiveness shining down on everyone and realize how fragile life really is. I miss the old brent before he got into all the crap where we could just laugh at dumb things and be silly. Where we wouldn't have any fights over sinful desires and we would just hang out and go to the river. I loved going to the river with him and the family. I've been twice and it was so much fun both times. Once I flung him on the jet ski and he got really mad at me for that, and then we'd go tubbing and i'd get really scared of falling off so Ed would have to drive it really slow... Those were the good old days. I am afraid of when he wakes up, he isnt going to want to listen to me. I know he still cares about me because I still care about him and he will always be special to me, but I just had to stop talking to him for awhile because if you love someone you of course want to talk to that person and when you keep talking to them it doesn't help you not keep loving them. So I had to stop because we were fighting all the time and not being honest and being sinful. Looking back I wish we could've started to talk. Not because I wanted to love him again but because I wanted to show him God's love and how much joy it brought me. I am scared when he wakes up he's not going to want to talk to me at all, because we rarely talked before his accident why would he want to talk to me now? After all I did break his heart twice... Why should he want to talk to me? But then I need to remember that God is so good and His plans are so much greater then mine and He knows if Brent's going to wake up and talk to me or he'll wake up and be mad at me and feel like I have no right to talk to him. I am praying for the first one. Although if I don't get through I know someone will. I don't know if I will ever stop praying for him or his family but I know God has a plan for brent, me, and our relationship.